Thanks to a mate for sending me this link. No wonder 'Posh' (that must be why she was invited) looks baffled - she's wondering where David has gone and how she ended up on the arm of a slightly younger Ricky Gervais.
http://socialitelife.com/david-beckham-and-victoria-beckham-arrive-at-the-royal-wedding-04-2011
Friday 29 April 2011
A right Royal mess
It was the hairdressers that finally made me crack. Just how many hairdresser's does one girl need, even if she is about to become a princess, and do they really need four months of preparation to do Kate's hair?
I just don't get it. What on earth would make a seemingly sane person camp out in central London for a couple of days, just so that they can say they were there? The likelihood is that they'll see almost nothing that matters, and if they do, it will be for seconds and from a safe distance. Why?
I didn't get it when Diana died either. Not the grief, because even the hardest-hearted Republican would have felt sorry for the passing of anyone so young, and the dreadful way it happened, but the need to display that grief publicly. Again, why?
An intimate occasion for the couple and 1,000 of their friends, most of whom are workshy fops, with just a smattering of bits of rough added to lend street cred to the occasion - David and Victoria Beckham will surely have added a bit of class.
I hope that Kate Middleton, who seems, from what we read, to be a pleasant enough woman, knows what she's doing. She's joining a family that's even more dysfunctional than the Gallagher clan from Shameless. Princess Margaret, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, Prince Andrew...need I go on. Everyone will wish the happy couple well, but what are the real odds that their marriage will last? Based on the rest of the sorry Royals, the omens aren't good.
Thankfully, I've got something more important to do today - I've been putting off worming my ferrets for long enough.
I just don't get it. What on earth would make a seemingly sane person camp out in central London for a couple of days, just so that they can say they were there? The likelihood is that they'll see almost nothing that matters, and if they do, it will be for seconds and from a safe distance. Why?
I didn't get it when Diana died either. Not the grief, because even the hardest-hearted Republican would have felt sorry for the passing of anyone so young, and the dreadful way it happened, but the need to display that grief publicly. Again, why?
An intimate occasion for the couple and 1,000 of their friends, most of whom are workshy fops, with just a smattering of bits of rough added to lend street cred to the occasion - David and Victoria Beckham will surely have added a bit of class.
I hope that Kate Middleton, who seems, from what we read, to be a pleasant enough woman, knows what she's doing. She's joining a family that's even more dysfunctional than the Gallagher clan from Shameless. Princess Margaret, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, Prince Andrew...need I go on. Everyone will wish the happy couple well, but what are the real odds that their marriage will last? Based on the rest of the sorry Royals, the omens aren't good.
Thankfully, I've got something more important to do today - I've been putting off worming my ferrets for long enough.
Saturday 23 April 2011
The day I lunched with Roy Orbison in Paris
Driving to Reading to cover London Irish vs Northampton Saints, and Graham Norton’s voice told me that today would have been Roy Orbison’s 75th birthday.
It brought back memories of a trip to Paris in 1988 when we lunched with him just a few days before his death. We were there on a business trip – well, it was really a jolly disguised as business – and our host took us to a lovely little restaurant for Saturday lunch. It was one of those places with bench seating, so it was more than likely that you’d end up sitting next to a stranger. In our case the strangers were Roy Orbison and his wife, Barbara – a lovely lady wearing a fantastic poncho made from, she told us, a Native American blanket.
Like most Americans you meet in Paris, they had no French, so the menu was a mystery to them. We were glad to help and it was one of those strange conversations that you have with celebs when you meet them in an off-duty setting. They guessed that we knew, and we knew but wouldn’t have dreamt of ruining their lunch by mentioning it! We talked about everything and nothing; Paris, their ranch, the food, but not a word about his career which had just been revived by The Travelling Wilburys. We bade them farewell and set off into the sunshine – it was one of those brilliantly bright, cold December days that make Paris look utterly wonderful – to climb the little spiral staircase leading to the roof of the Samaritaine department store which had one of the very best views of the city. I remember we joked that he didn't look a well man - his clearly dyed jet-black hair contrasted with his pallor.
Not so long afterwards I was walking through Basingstoke town centre and in a television shop there was a set carrying the news of his death. We’d only spent a couple of hours with him and it was on most levels utterly unmemorable, had it not been for the fact that he was the world-famous Roy Orbison! I popped into Virgin Records and bought his Greatest Hits album. Bizarrely, the news of his death upset me despite the fact that I didn’t, on any normal level, actually know the man!
Subsequently, what upset me even more was that we got hammered and I could never recall the name of the restaurant! I think it was on Ile St Louis but I’ve tried several times to find it, but with no success. I do recall, however, that the steak and chips were great and the crème brulee even better!
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Scoop: Papa Lazarou appointed Foreign Secretary
Listening to Radio 4 this morning I wondered why I hadn't previously noticed the similarities between William Hague and Papa Lazarou. As Hague waffled on about Libya, he talked about the need to save lives, except it came out as 'levs'. On the assumption that he and Ffion are still a couple, I wonder whether he ever tells her 'you're ma weff now'? On balance, I think that Papa Lazarou would probably do a better job as Foreign Secretary, but maybe that's all part of Dave's masterplan - at any rate, no-one has ever accused Papa Lazarou of losing 'his mojo'.
Hague has always been right up there in the eccentricities of speech league table, alongside Ken Clarke and the Beeb's Robert Peston. The rhythm of their speech always makes me think of 'Just a Minute', with voices rising Aussie-style at the end of a sentence before launching into the next one without hesitation. That leads to breath problems, and this morning Hague got positively squeaky as he desperately tried to finish one sentence, only to realise that he had to seamlessly plough on in order to stop John Humphries torturing him further. When he eventually had to gulp in air I half expected Paul Merton to come buzzing in with a challenge.
Hague has always been right up there in the eccentricities of speech league table, alongside Ken Clarke and the Beeb's Robert Peston. The rhythm of their speech always makes me think of 'Just a Minute', with voices rising Aussie-style at the end of a sentence before launching into the next one without hesitation. That leads to breath problems, and this morning Hague got positively squeaky as he desperately tried to finish one sentence, only to realise that he had to seamlessly plough on in order to stop John Humphries torturing him further. When he eventually had to gulp in air I half expected Paul Merton to come buzzing in with a challenge.
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Death in the afternoon, Liverpool style
Did you watch the Grand National on Saturday? It doesn't quite have the overwhelming appeal of the Melbourne Cup, 'the race that stops a nation', but it still draws a huge television audience. If you did watch it you will have spotted that the field was directed to miss out two fences on account of the dead horses lying on the landing side. If you were listening rather than watching, however, you wouldn't have known about it as the Beeb decided to censor its transmission and simply omit an reference to it.
How and why does a broadcaster decide that its audience is too squeamish to be allowed to see dead horses? Does it believe that people are unaware of the fact that horses get killed when racing? Why doesn't it tackle the issue head on?
The case against jump racing is an easy one to make, plucking on the heart-strings of the average Brit's love of animals. However, like most seemingly easy issues, this one gets a bit more complicated if you delve beneath the surface.
According to Horse Death Watch, on average around 170 horses have died on the track in each of the past four years. Shocking? Yes and no.
Cliche warning: the death of every horse whilst racing is very sad. Now that's out of the way let's present some counter arguments. Without racing there would be many fewer horses - that's a fact as the breeding industry exists to provide horses for racing and other even more dangerous equine pursuits such as cross-country eventing. Those horses, whilst in training, are amongst the most cossetted animals around: fed well, exercised regularly, and getting the best of veterinary attention. That veterinary care extends to keeping horses alive in circumstances where many owners would simply have the animal put down - if a horse needs 12 months of rest, how many domestic owners have the time, patience and funds to do that?
Next time you're driving through the countryside, have a look at the horses in the fields, and think about the lives that they lead. If you were a horse would you like to spend the winters outside with just a rug to keep you warm, seeing your owner for 20 minutes a day when they bring you feed, and living a solitary life, or would you rather be in a heated box at night, riden out every day, fed the ideal diet, and with a vet on hand should you have a problem? Or, if there were no equine sports, simply dead?
There are scandals to be investigated in terms of horse welfare, but racing comes a long way down the list. Try these. What happens to horses when their owners tire of them? Have you seen the horse butcher's shops in continental Europe, and have you ever wondered about the conditions those horses endure on the way to the slaughterhouse? When the temperature gets to -10C in mid-winter, what happens to some of the horses out in British fields?
The real scandal is not the sad fact of a couple of horses dying at Aintree. Charities such as World Horse Welfare are at the forefront of the fight to improve the lot of the working horse and it's worth a look at the work they do. I once did a book review for the long-departed Sporting Life in which I used the phrase 'down among the meat-men' highlighting that when a horse is sold below a certain price, it's likely that it's being sold as horse-meat - you won't be surprised that my review was printed intact, except for the paragraph on that issue. This is racing and eventing's equivalent of Lord Alfred Douglas's 'love that dare not speak its name'.
Finally, and you might have missed it with the tabloids making a fuss about the deaths of Ornais and Dooney's Gate on Saturday, jockey Peter Toole continues to fight for his life in a Liverpool hospital after being critically injured in a fall in an earlier Aintree race.
How and why does a broadcaster decide that its audience is too squeamish to be allowed to see dead horses? Does it believe that people are unaware of the fact that horses get killed when racing? Why doesn't it tackle the issue head on?
The case against jump racing is an easy one to make, plucking on the heart-strings of the average Brit's love of animals. However, like most seemingly easy issues, this one gets a bit more complicated if you delve beneath the surface.
According to Horse Death Watch, on average around 170 horses have died on the track in each of the past four years. Shocking? Yes and no.
Cliche warning: the death of every horse whilst racing is very sad. Now that's out of the way let's present some counter arguments. Without racing there would be many fewer horses - that's a fact as the breeding industry exists to provide horses for racing and other even more dangerous equine pursuits such as cross-country eventing. Those horses, whilst in training, are amongst the most cossetted animals around: fed well, exercised regularly, and getting the best of veterinary attention. That veterinary care extends to keeping horses alive in circumstances where many owners would simply have the animal put down - if a horse needs 12 months of rest, how many domestic owners have the time, patience and funds to do that?
Next time you're driving through the countryside, have a look at the horses in the fields, and think about the lives that they lead. If you were a horse would you like to spend the winters outside with just a rug to keep you warm, seeing your owner for 20 minutes a day when they bring you feed, and living a solitary life, or would you rather be in a heated box at night, riden out every day, fed the ideal diet, and with a vet on hand should you have a problem? Or, if there were no equine sports, simply dead?
There are scandals to be investigated in terms of horse welfare, but racing comes a long way down the list. Try these. What happens to horses when their owners tire of them? Have you seen the horse butcher's shops in continental Europe, and have you ever wondered about the conditions those horses endure on the way to the slaughterhouse? When the temperature gets to -10C in mid-winter, what happens to some of the horses out in British fields?
The real scandal is not the sad fact of a couple of horses dying at Aintree. Charities such as World Horse Welfare are at the forefront of the fight to improve the lot of the working horse and it's worth a look at the work they do. I once did a book review for the long-departed Sporting Life in which I used the phrase 'down among the meat-men' highlighting that when a horse is sold below a certain price, it's likely that it's being sold as horse-meat - you won't be surprised that my review was printed intact, except for the paragraph on that issue. This is racing and eventing's equivalent of Lord Alfred Douglas's 'love that dare not speak its name'.
Finally, and you might have missed it with the tabloids making a fuss about the deaths of Ornais and Dooney's Gate on Saturday, jockey Peter Toole continues to fight for his life in a Liverpool hospital after being critically injured in a fall in an earlier Aintree race.
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